An emboldened Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi took a wide swipe at fellow Democrat Hillary Clinton on Tuesday, telling reporters that she believes a buttplug with an R on it could have beaten Clinton in the 2016 election.
“Hillary made so many mistakes. She hardly even spoke in manufacturing states, the corn states, the wheat states, the coal states … you know, the incest states,” Pelosi stated. “I was just speaking to my personal friend George Clooney, and we discussed how Hillary’s campaign was too coastal, too focused on air-headed celebrities and name-dropping and not enough on attacking an easy target. It was one missed opportunity after another.”
“Let’s face it,” Pelosi told the gathering at the National Press Club, clutching an indeterminable item in her fist as she spoke, “A buttplug with the letter R on it could have beaten Hillary Clinton. And by some estimations, that’s exactly what happened.”
Pelosi got another good jab in earlier this week when she stated that a glass of water with a D on it could have won Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ district in New Jersey.
One analyst observed, “Nancy really loves the attention, she’ll keep telling the same joke over and over again until it stops landing. It’s a very Zucker Brothers approach to public relations.”
Pelosi closed out the press briefing by relating her own personal belief that the fat kid from The Cosby Show could hit Clayton Kershaw’s pitching in the postseason, and that Jussie Smollett could have been beaten by real white supremacists if he just knew where to hang out.