Simple fact-check crushes Kamala Harris’ hopes of prosecuting any sentient beings on alleged Pot Planet

Despite the initial exhilaration she felt upon finding a trending article about Planet X637Z-43, a marijuana-covered planet allegedly discovered by NASA, a simple fact-check performed by Democratic presidential hopeful Kamala Harris proved that the article was a hoax, quelling her excitement to prosecute and potentially cage any sentient beings who might have resided on the planet.

marijuana_planet

An aide in Harris’ Washington office described the California Senator as “wild-eyed and salivating” after she found the article. The aide reports seeing her pacing back and forth muttering “get them all, every living creature” and describing President Trump’s proposed NASA Space Force as “a better idea that (she) thought”.
“The Senator made some calls looking into investigating the planet and the complicit nature of any residents of the planet.”
The aide later suggested that Harris, who began her career as a prosecutor,¬†look more closely into the article, which he recognized as a 2015 internet hoax.¬† The aide further reports that the Senator was spotted an hour later, wringing her hands disconsolately and shaking while mumbling “it has to be real” over and over again.
“Honestly, she smelled a little bit like the chronic, too,” the aide reported.
“(Senator Harris) still gets very emotional about the things she’s been passionate about throughout her professional career,” the aide stated. “In spite of her platform stances and Democratic Party platforms, prosecuting marijuana offenders has always been something she’s held very near to her heart throughout her career of indenturing hardworking taxpayers and non-violent criminals alike to the state.”
“I’m sure that deep down, the Senator is still clinging desperately to some hope that this is all somehow real, and that she can turn it into a cash-cow for the state’s prison system.”

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