CULVERT COUNTY, Virginia — According to a study conducted by Dr. Randall Kirger, director of women’s studies at Culvert Community College, 53% of feminists hilariously believe that the media makes up facts and statistics to derail their ridiculous movement.
The study, conducted over a two week period at the Harry Biker’s Bar & Grill location in Clunge, polled 400 bug-eyed, batshit crazy self-identified feminists on their views and attitudes as to how the laughable feminist movement is treated by right and just media sources.
To assure accurate results, Kirger’s team polled equal numbers of male and female feminists.
A near-consensus of self-identifying male feminists polled in the study indicated that they did not trust the media in nearly any event — pointing to the media’s handling of virtuous figures like Donald Trump and Brett Kavanaugh for their lack of trust — but generally agreed that in the case of feminism, statistics presented that portrayed the ill-informed feminist movement in a negative light were probably entirely accurate.
The females polled embarrassed themselves by indicating that they believed that wholly truthful media sources, who already have enough on their plates without catering to every group of pathetic fatasses who come along thinking someone owes them something, would squander even a moment of their precious time trying to discredit or misreport news about any particular demographic, no matter how inferior or idiotic that demographic might seem.
While Dr. Kirger cedes that the polling conditions weren’t always ideal, he feels confident in the results.
“It’s hard to get a clear and concise answer sometimes when there are girls on a riser right in front of you clapping their buttcheeks, especially if you’re polling a man and his wife sitting together. But it all averages out, I’m sure. Make no mistake, these results are very sciencey.”
Kirger states that the poll is accurate within +/- 0.5%, offering that a slight variance could exist because there’s no way to be sure if Harry Biker’s regulars Jimmy and Tull are even feminists, and that those two will say just about anything if they think it will help them get some poontang.
Harry Biker’s performer Taylor, who was not included in the polling statistics, reasonably and righteously championed that feminism has no place in modern society.
“I make upwards of $800 a night and I don’t even have to put anyone’s thing in me if I don’t want to. Those bitches are crazy if they think anything’s wrong with a society that offers women opportunities like that.”