Still think it’s harmless? Masturbation remains the 5th leading cause of death in the US

Despite persisting flippant attitudes towards the practice, data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicates that masturbation still ranks as the 5th leading cause of death in the US.
Studies compiled by the CDC from 2016 NCHS data indicate that “stroke”, a common name for masturbating, still claims the lives of nearly 150,000 Americans annually. While heart disease still claims nearly 5 times the toll, the data suggests that masturbation is still the hazard to human health it was considered to be in the 1950s.

“Deaths per 100,000 did drop significantly between the ’50s and today, maybe as much as 70% depending on which data to which you refer,” reported Clayton Beacon, a Christian Science professor at Culvert Community College. “The data indicates that widespread messaging campaigns made their mark, and obviously far fewer people are ‘stroking’ now than maybe ever before.”
“But, as always, there’s still room for improvement.”
Beacon blames social attitudes for the continuing prevalence of stroke-related deaths.
“People talk about it like it’s nothing, like it’s so cool. Pornography is rampant. I’ve heard doctors say there’s no danger, even though the data can’t be any more clear. But who can you trust? People still smoke because they think its cool, they eat gravy like it’s gravy, you know? I’ve seen people put jars in their butts on the internet for a few people to click ‘like’ for them. Instant gratification, maybe? The desire to be liked by their peers? I’d hate to pontificate on what other agendas may be at work.”
While nearly 40 out of every 100,000 Americans will die from stroke-related causes in 2018, Beacon contends that many of those can be prevented.
“There are plenty of great information resources right in your own neighborhood,” Beacon indicated. “Church groups and community outreaches, people you’ll find here are glad to warn you against the dangers of stroking. With the right messaging, maybe we can reach the others who are still engaged in this disgusting practice.”

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