Internet grammar police make arrest on religious-themed Facebook thread

Responding to tips from field observers, internet grammar police arrested Kay Blanchard, 77, for comments she made Thursday on a religious-themed Facebook post.
“Their trying to take jesus out of Christmas and easter to. We the peopel have to fight,” Blanchard posted in the comments section of the thread, a viral image of a coffee cup that many Christian Facebook users found shocking. Blanchard found the image posted on a local church page.
While numerous responses to the photograph were grammatically challenged, the internet grammar police found Blanchard’s post to be the most insulting to the eye and challenging to common grammar sensibilities.
“We have to pick our battles,” said grammar police chief Tricia Lowell. “Normally, we can offer a warning, such as typing “they’re!” as a response to the grammatically challenged discourse.”
“However, in the case of Ms. Blanchard — a repeat offender — we saw no capacity for improvement nor redemption. She’s set in her ways. It’s become obvious that she intends to repeatedly violate grammar laws in thread posts as well as challenge the sociopolitical views of grammar observers, grammar police, and other grammar officials.”
Grammar police had been mostly quiet since the controversial Bob Livingsworth incident on October 19, when video surfaced of a still-unidentified grammar policeman physically assaulting Livingston with a tire iron for using “less” in a sentence where “fewer” would have been grammatically correct. The Blanchard arrest marks a deviation from recent practice, signalling that internet grammar police are ready to return to business as usual.
“We’d like to think that the Livingston incident is the exception to the rule,” said Lowell, whose Twitter avatar reflects her affiliation with the Geek Lives Matter movement which rose out of the ashes of the public outcry over the Livingston video.
“I’d like to think that grammar police do not go out of their way to harass social media users for petty grammatical errors. They deserve respect for their hours of training and dedication, and for all the good they do. They do not deserve to be maligned over reports of a few secluded beatings and stabbings. Certainly there are a few bad apples in every bunch, but I still feel confident that grammar police are providing a valuable and essential service for which they should be revered, not disparaged,” said Lowell.
Blanchard is being temporarily held in a county facility on the standard $5,000 bail, pending a Monday hearing before the magistrate.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.