Protesters complain about lunch options along protest route

Angry protestors who flooded the streets of Portland to protest the election of Donald Trump as 45th president of the United States are reportedly at odds about the neighborhood restaurant selection.
“I’m sick of McDonalds”, complained protester Ben Bain. “Why couldn’t we have protested six blocks over? I know a great little deli over there.”
“I know it seems petty,” says Diane Legwich, who rode a bus from Minnesota to attend the protests, “But there’s not nearly enough pork over here on the West Coast.”
“That deli is, like, pork heaven,” Bain offered.
The theme was common throughout the crowd of protesters, some of whom complained they hadn’t had a decent basket of fries in days, while others bemoaned the treatment of animals by many of the local offerings. Some wondered who had decided to start the protest in this location, and not in a more convenient spot with better amenities.
“I feel like, if we’d just had the chance to use our own voice and make our own decision about where we were planning to protest, we wouldn’t be in such a dilemma. Maybe next time we should designate a time and a place for these types of decisions to be made before we just go barrelling into the streets,” Legwich contended.
Two local Starbucks have picked up most of the business from the crowd, although one manager lamented that “They’re still not buying the muffins.”
“We can’t live on coffee, alone,” said Khris Palmero as she held her cup in close to her chest with a trembling hand. “We need bean sprouts, maybe a nice bean loaf. It’s like, uh, is it too much to ask to have, like, a vegan market right here?”
“In Trump’s America, it is,” came a faceless reply, as the crowd surged to join fellow protesters around a pile of burning undergarments.