Jeremy Schiltz is sure he never fell asleep.
“I never did, man! I never did! I was just resting for a second!”
Schiltz, who has a large penis drawn on his cheek in magic marker, pointing towards his mouth, insists that he merely rested his eyes at a party he attended earlier.
“I don’t care what Bobby and Ryan tell you,” Schiltz insisted while on his way to get coffee. “I never passed out! Hell, I’m good, man, I’m ready for another round, how about you?”
Schiltz, who was last seen with the penis drawing still on his face telling a Starbucks barista, “Maybe if I swallow something warm, it’ll get me going,” contended that Bobby and Ryan are “loser assholes” and that he can “drink them under the table”.
“I mean, screw those guys. They’re total fags,” reported the man with the penis on his face.
Brown Valley Observer 