American feminists took to the streets in the early morning hours of November 9 to protest being duped into wearing pantsuits on Election Day.
“Jesus, what the actual fuck were we thinking?” wondered Julie Ann Peppers of Merritt, Michigan. “These things are godawful.”
Her neighbor Rose Chamberlain parroted Julie Ann’s sentiments. “I mean, I thought it was a unity thing. We wore these horrifying things out, we took selfies at the polling stations, we posted them all over social media. Now people are going to think we actually like these things. My selfies are ruined. This whole day is ruined.”
Many women wore pantsuits on Election Day as a show of unity as they voted for Hillary Clinton, the first female nominee for a major political party in American history.
Clinton lost the election, and women lost their minds, ashamed to have been seen in the often-frumpy garbs.
Julie Ann dropped her pantsuit off in a local trash receptacle.
“I was going to donate it, but I realized that even homeless people deserve some dignity.”
There were reports of pantsuit burnings in cities across California.
Contacted through her press agent, Lady Gaga released a statement about the pantsuit she wore at Clinton’s midnight rally on Monday night.
While I tried to get this pantsuit trend going, to spin Hillary’s pantsuits into a real positive, the move obviously backfired, and deservedly so.
We all looked like assholes. We all felt like assholes.
Chamberlain lamented that when she watched Trump’s victory speech, all she could think was, “Melania looks radiant. Ivanka looks beautiful. Even that girl that Mike Pence’s son is dating … she looked great. And here I was, on what I mistakenly thought would be the most important day of my life, wearing a fucking yellow pantsuit and Uggs.”
“I wanted to die. Just, literally, fucking die.”